Mental health at work: How to spot when a colleague's struggling

Blog by Dr Imren Sterno – Lead Consultant Clinical Psychologist, AXA Health

With the increased attention on managing our own wellbeing and mental health at work, how can we as employees, managers and leaders help our colleagues when they are struggling? This is a question I get asked all the time.

It’s a particularly important question currently, as absences due to poor mental health is the highest it has been in the UK for many years. Poor mental health accounts for more than half of all work-related illnesses, with around 51% of long-term sick leave due to stress, depression or anxiety.¹

The Mental Health Foundation also highlight that: “Over the past decade, the number of workers aged 16–34 years who reported that their mental health limits the type or amount of work they can do has more than quadrupled.²

Why have numbers risen?

It could be argued that there are many different factors contributing to this, such as:

• An increase in awareness, which then results in an increase in reporting mental health issues.
• The impact of COVID and how everyone’s life changed overnight.
• The younger workforce prioritising their mental health, and the idea that they are seeking true work/life balance and not waiting to reach burnout before they take mental heath sick leave.

Whatever the reason, the increase in employee mental health sick leave, and the increase in the time employees are off, has never hit such levels.

What signs can we look out for?

There are obvious and some more subtle signs that someone is struggling.

Behaviour

The most common is a change in their behaviour. For example, if Pete is normally always smiling and asking how everyone is, but recently is quieter and not his usual bubbly self; then something might have changed for him.

Another example is a change in someone’s working behaviour. For example, if someone who used to put on their camera when on a video call, is now:

• not putting it on,
• is coming to meetings unusually late or uncommonly early,
• sending out multiple emails late at night or early in the morning,

these might be signs that something has changed for them.

Change in someone’s ‘normal’ behaviour is usually a good indicator that something is going on.

Physical appearance

For example, is Emily looking tired all the time? Is she complaining of lack of sleep or is she perhaps looking more unkempt than usual? Is she appearing more irritable and not turning on her camera as much?

These are some subtle signs to watch, as any change in appearance might be easily attributed to a short period of stress when a project deadline is due, however, longer periods can have a negative impact on mental health.

Physical health symptoms

For example, does Raj complain of headaches and physical bodily pain more? Has his appetite decreased or increased and is he stating he is doing less or being less active than usual due to these physical health complaints?

Engaging in the world

For example, Alice has always loved to go on a weekend brunch with her team and never misses book club but slowly she is disengaging from work social activities, as well as doing less with her husband and kids. Everyone has noticed she is quieter and more withdrawn.

Each of these statements can have straightforward explanations, however, if we notice these things and are worried, a simple thing to do is ask the person, “how are you doing?”

A common answer to this question is often, “fine”. What I would encourage everyone to do is ask it again, “no, how are you really?”, and see if you get a different response.

Asking twice is often a good strategy to give someone permission to open up, if they wish, and demonstrates you are actually asking and not just being polite.

How can we help?

There are some do’s and don’ts, if you are worried about someone and want to ask more and offer a listening ear:

The do’s

Educate yourself – stress, burnout, depression and anxiety are the highest cause of mental health absences in the UK.

>Read more on burnout in our Is it stress or burnout article

Listen – be non-judgemental and paraphrase. It’s okay to say “I don’t understand but I am listening, I want to help”.

Encourage open conversation in your teams – don’t be afraid to say when you are struggling.

Help the individual to access support – whether that’s via a manager, the HR department or their GP.

Be mindful of language and of what you share – you want to connect and be helpful but everyone experiences mental health in different ways so be mindful of this.

The don’ts

Sensitivity is the key – Don’t say “I have to talk to you about your behaviour or mood”. Instead try saying “you don’t seem like yourself recently, is there anything I can help with? Anything you want to raise, or discuss?” Then follow with: “If not that’s fine, I am just letting you know that if you need anything I will listen and try and help”.

Don’t tell them your story – let them tell you theirs.

Don’t invalidate in any way – by saying things like: “I have known you for years, you never struggle, you are strong and will get through this.”

Don’t say blunt phrases – when someone is highly emotional, don’t say things like, “I think you need time off”. Instead, try saying “you are a valuable colleague and someone who is an important part of the team, but if you need time off and you feel it will help you, we will support you and make a joint plan for what you feel you need”.

Remember – you are not a mental health professional, nor are you expected to be one. What you are doing is noticing that there might be a problem, offering a listening ear and then directing the individual to go to their GP, HR, and encouraging them to get help.

We all need help at different times in our lives, there is no shame in this and the longer you suffer and avoid it, the worse it can get.

Please do ask the questions and do seek support if you need it.

Further blogs by Imren:

• Depression - Stefan's story
• Is it stress or burnout?
• What role does comparison play in your life?

References

1. Ten workplace mental health statistics for 2023 – MHFA England
2. Mental health at work: statistics – Mental Health Foundation